I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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