I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
