Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there's paper in my vomit.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
