Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
