dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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