why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize