Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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