I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
