Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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