You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
love makes seman taste better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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