yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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