it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
