I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
