I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
