I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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