just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Randomize
