There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
