told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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