I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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