please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
