My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
