we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I AM VODKA MAN
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
