She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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