Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
