Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
