Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
