You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So. Much. Porn.
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