There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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