Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
