We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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