Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
whose parrot is this?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize