Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
