shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
