I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
