i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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