not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
