So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
