17 year olds will be the death of me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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