there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
