We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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