this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
