But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
