peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
