Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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