So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
