Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
