i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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