I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
