Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
