im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
