google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
