it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
