whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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