Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
