is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
