just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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