i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
