Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
