The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why is there bacon in the couch?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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