I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
