Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
