my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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