do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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