y did u give ur computer a hand job?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
