i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
