I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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