is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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