No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
