Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
