Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
