ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the condom got lost in my hair
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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