I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
