Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
