so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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