We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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