who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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