It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
