Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The uberlube is also flammable
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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