well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
