I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
