I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
