Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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