wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
