did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize