The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
