Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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