Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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