you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
