Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize