I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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