Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
