she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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