Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
