It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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