dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
